peace.....

Pastor Ray has been putting his teachings / Bible study portion of the scripture readings into having enough faith in God, that you allow him truly into your heart and allow yourself peace.

After Saturday night's service, Morgan said that he was speaking to me, that I need to let go, allow whatever is going to happen in our lives these next few years, to happen, and enjoy my time. She is right, Pastor Ray is right, but I still can't...

I have tried, but this has more to do with upbringing, then not believing. On the spiritual path, I am way behind most people. I grew up in Catholic, and went to church most Saturday nights, or Sunday mornings, but alone, or with my younger brother. We did not go as a family, and in general, we were not a religious family. I do not blame my parents for that, nor do I say it was a bad thing. It was just the way it was. I went to St. John's University, and tried to get religion and faith to "stick", but it did not. I drifted away, kept my Catholic ways (an occasional confession and church service before or at the holidays, but that was it). I drifted away, and did not look back.

Fast forward to 2001. We were looking to take Cassie to a preschool near our home, and there was one with openings at Macedonia Baptist Church in Raleigh. I was suspicious of using a school in a church, but Morgan said the people were great, and we should give it a try. We did, and it was good for Cassie, good for Morgan, but more good for me. At first, I was distant from them, but they were so nice, and so welcoming that I decided to go to some services. I enjoyed them, but was not fully drawn in. Then in early 2003, we applied for Cassie to go to Wake Christian Academy. Everyone there was so nice, and so willing to discuss faith, that it helped me with mine even more.

Then everything crashed around me in 2004. When I returned to Raleigh, and got Cassie back into WCA, the next place I went was back to Macedonia Baptist to see when Sunday services would be. Cassie and I were there every Sunday morning. I slowly began to build myself back, and build up my faith. It was during that time, in September 2004, that I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior.

Now comes the peace. After accepting Jesus into your heart, the next step is to allow your faith to get so deep, that you will just let go and allow Jesus to lead. This will help bring the peace. I am not there yet. I know of many others who have found it, and allow Jesus to lead and guide them. They truly seem at ease, "at peace", and I wish I was there. I want to get to this peace, and I am praying that I will find it.

Until the next time.....