to tell the truth.....

Played some games of NHL hockey with my friend Chris last night. Chris is a fellow gamer, who had seats with his wife behind us at the Hurricanes games, and also became an income tax client. It was nice meeting and becoming friends with them. We had a good time, and played for a couple of hours.

Unfortunately, it also brought about some "blues" as I thought about the people I left behind in NC. I have never been easy to make friends with, but in the past few years, Morgan & I were able to get some more "couple" friendships, and I had become friends with more people than I had in the past 20 years.

So, when Morgan came home today, she asked if all was OK. I could have said "yes", and just let it pass, but I decided to be honest. That is a good thing, but in this case, it threw her for a loop. Her first thoughts are that I am packed and ready to go. This is not the case. I am enjoying my time out here, but if given the choice, I would return to NC and the area we lived. Right now there is no choice, as Morgan has about 27 months remaining on her contract, and about 21 months before they would come to her with an offer for an extension. I am fine with that, and we will see how things play out.

It made me feel better to tell her, but it also made me feel terrible to see how upset she was after I told her. I put her first in this decision to come back out here, and it has backfired, but at the same time, if I was selfish and said "no" to ever coming back out here, there probably would have been problems down the road.

I never thought I would get homesick, again. Maybe I was just denying it to myself. In any case, I feel terrible about making Morgan so upset. But also, I am not in a "leaving" mode. Just feel that when this is done, I would like to go back east.

I am sure that we will shed more tears over this, and she will be upset for a while. I was not looking to upset her, or us. I just thought it was right to tell the truth.


UPDATED 5PM Pacific:
I actually feel better now that Morgan and I cleared the air on some things. That does not mean this is settled, but I feel better that she knows a little more of what I have been feeling.

Part of this actually comes from my dentist, who I just visited. We were talking about him living and going to school all over, and settling in San Diego, and he said that he feels that a job may take you to a place to live, but "home" is where you feel the most comfort and good friends. That sums up my feel about this situation. I like living here in San Diego, and may make some friends, but for now, my "home" feel is in NC.

Until the next time.....